Time Travelholic
by Command76
Summary: Dhoas becomes fascinated with time travel and the gang continues their dedicated journey to stop him...R
1. Chapter 1

Mr. Time Travel….

Dhoas was in his invisible floating castle, alone wallowing in the abysmal and depressing life he had. Completely bored out of his mind as he was not only isolated from his home world, but stuck in a world filled with little maggots that couldn't pee a damn magic spell even if their mommies told them too.

His head rested on his closed fist as he sat in his glorious throne, what I shall do to overcome this boredom were the ideas floating around his gluttonous mind. Perhaps steal some more of the planets magic, eh; he had already grown bored of that. The sweet delicateness of the planets magic no longer had its alluring flavor.

An idea pops into his articulate mind. A mischievous smile planted on his face.

"Hahahaha" laughed a mischievous Dhoas "Hahahahaha, I shall use new magic."

"What was that new spell I learned, a spell no retarded humans could ever achieve, hahaha, only my magical prowess could master such spells?"

"My greatness and superiority…. Stupid humans when will they learn not to live in the lands of a God, which is I"

Dhaos continued his self-flaunting of his superiority over humans until he is alarmingly struck in the head with some strange alien language.

"Could this be the language of Time Travel magic, a new spell for the great mighty Dhaos" he said while continuing to boost his own ego.

"This new Time Travel magic, it's so exhilarating and sweet, I can feel it in my loins" said an aroused euphoric Dhaos.

"This magic is so good, so pure, and so perfect, so intoxicating, I must use it, and I must use it now!!!"

Cless, Klarth, Mint, and Arche were seriously irritated because they were getting tossed around and beaten like salad mashed in a blender by the scary monsters in his Dhoas floating castle, and approach their melting point when they finally reach Dhaos throne room, only to have it be sealed tight with magic.

"Hey Arche," says Klarth "Why don't you use some of your magic to open that door"

"Sure." Arche closes her eyes and starts chanting words of magic as they float briefly in her head. She feels something slightly rub against her butt and eventually squeeze it. Arche, feeling violated, turned to see who was squeezing her butt. She had an angry, villainous, look on her face, and was completely annoyed when both Cless and Klarth began whistling and staring at the ceiling in ignorance.

"Perverts" grumbled a disgruntled Arche. "Where was I, Oh yes, magic?"

The minute she closed her eyes and began chanting her magical spells she felt something rubbing on her butt again. But she was ready this time, casting an explode spell on the pervert that would make Dhaos whole castle shake, and just about everything in it, breaking the magical seal on the door, and sending them flying .

Dhoas was having what appeared to be an orgasm, which was completely appalling and strange to watch as the gang quickly ran inside his throne to challenge him to battle.

Cless pulled out his Excalibur and newly brought combo controller just for this battle.

"Damnit, you're actually using that damn thing" protested Klarth amazed at Cless's childishness.

"Hell yeah, I'm going to button mash the shit out of Dhaos, with my killer moves…" Cless shouted proudly.

"You're an idiot" said Arche who felt a hand squeezing her butt. "Not this again," she lowers her head and see's Klarth, his mouth open and drooling with excitement, from staring and squeezing Arches butt. She took her witches broom and began beating him with it until he was unconscious. "Take that you stupid pervert."

"Hey check this out Mint" said Cless flaunting his cool new toy. He began to teleport; perform soul waves, and soul edge techniques, adding magma, and phoenix to it. He then started smiling and flexing his muscles in plain sight so Mint could see them. "It's awesome isn't it."

"I don't know Cless" said Mint hesitantly not trying to sound over enthused about his terrible decision making abilities. Cless found the money to buy this controller in the Alvanista kings treasure room. The king won't be to happy to find out that he had been unknowingly robbed by the same man who claimed to be their hero.

Dhoas didn't even notice them in his throne as he was entranced in his ecstasy moment.

The fortified castle would soon begin to shake violently from the previously cast explode spell, rocks would crack and fall, crashing hard on the ground.

Dhoas was still entranced, absorbed in his magical spell, absorbing its essence and purity, absorbing it and absorbing it, until he felt his body feel filled with delight and he could feel himself floating, his mind was completely warping into a disillusioned hallucination, everything around him would turn blue as blue energy would wrap around him, like a glove worn to protect a delicate hand. This blue energy felt good, sensual.

I like this…This feels good…Dhoas felt himself climaxing as the blue energy would exfoliate his body and caress his skin until suddenly, it stops.

Dhoas, who began entering the future, becomes bitter, and depressed as his mind was slowly losing its entrancement from the pleasures of the sensual time travel spell. His body would slowly assemble itself, as bones and joints would snap into place and arteries and organs would gradually mold and be blanketed by the skin tissue of his body. Until he was whole again, that splendidly fantastic feeling of ecstasy had escaped his wits. This left him desperately craving more. More, more, more, he wanted more…...

The gang's spontaneity would end as they realized Dhoas was gone and the castle was falling to pieces. Cless and Arche both start to run and try to escape the castle. While Mint stands next to Klarth's unconscious body and starts crying. "Aren't you guys going to help him?" says Mint whose voice was hampered from her sadness.

"Screw him, lets get the hell out of here…" says Arch who is overjoyed with the chance to make Klarth's death seem accidental. "He deserves it for being a pervert."

"Mint, let's go!!!" ordered Cless. Mint was obedient and began to make her escape with Arche and Cless. _Now's my chance to rob his house blind_ thought Cless.

The God (guy playing the game) would later save Klarth with the aid of game genie, because he likes him, and needs him in order to progress further in the game.


	2. Chapter 2

He was in Midgar, not that Midgar Square-Enix, the other Midgar, the one people forget even exist because it was on a game not made by you, fame stealers. The pixilated little sprites all stared at Dhoas, angrily, some had vexed and stupified looks on their faces. Here was this man that just managed to appear from thin air.

Many thought he was an angel sent by the Gods. They ran to him and began touching him and asking him for his blessing. Their actions disgusting Dhoas, as he is ashamed to even be seen around inferior beings such as humans

He begins casting spells and killing the many innocent people who continue to mob him trying to steal a blessing. They are killed by an angry Dhoas who now has to take a long and tedious shower to remove the filthy stench of human from his clownish suite.

"Disgusting filth…Leave me be" said an annoyed Dhoas punching and kicking the mobs of excited people seeking to get a blessing from him. He swipes his hands across his clownish suite to brush off the hair and sweat from the disgusting humans… "You filthy disgusting vermin, gross, nasty, I smell you, its disgusting" groaned Dhaos whose nose was burning from the incense of human smelliness.

He could feel the spell entering his mind again, to which he immediately cast it to free himself from the mob of disgusting humans.

The people were all appalled by what they saw; it appeared to be a man having an orgasm. As he moaned with pleasure at the rush of exhilarating magic flooding his insides. His loins would go berserk from the euphoric feeling, as his mind would become entranced, again.

All the people began to vomit in disgust, many running into their homes to grab their guns because they now believed Dhoas was a demon. And they sought to kill him.

"Kill the freak" shouted a man with others cheering in agreement "Cut his f***** head off."

"Yessss!!!! Its so good…." said Dhoas whose eyes had rolled backwardly with excitement, "I love you, your so good, your so amazing".

Cless, Klarth, Arche, and Mint raced towards Midgar after being brutally punished by a slew of enemy's in the plains, they are really pissed off because they are seriously outnumbered and overpowered in every fight and began cursing the God (the guy playing the game) for being so retarded….

"Why is it that I'm always getting my ass kicked" protested Klarth "Seriously, this is bullshit"

"God damnit, there's no more food in the basket, we just had to throw away my damn life savings on some damn overpriced food bag, might as well rob another damn supermarket, those retards will be to scared to do anything, hehehe, cowards, who the hell leaves kids to fight some retarded freak that dresses like a clown and puts on makeup like a woman " said an irritated Cless

"Didn't you kill that lady and take your money back" cried Mint who was bitterly distraught. "We're banned from Alvanista because of you" said Mint whose bickering, crying, and pouting would never end…

"It was for a good cause!!!!" attacked Cless…"She was charging way to damn much and you know it, it was done to serve justice on her food basket monopoly, she deserved to die!!! Besides Alvanista sucks, and we can go back in time and they'll forget it ever happened."

"Dhoas tried to touch me my crown jewels," howled Chester furiously.

"What the hell are you doing here Chester, I thought I had you in start menu purgatory!" growled Cless "Go back to purgatory, we don't need you, you low leveled bitch"

"It's on, slut" exploded Chester whose ears were blowing off massive amounts of hot air and whose face was transforming into a cherrylike red color. He pulled out his longbow and aimed it at Clesses head.

"I'm going straight for the head bitch" roared Chester

Chester shot his arrow at Cless only to watch it snap in half and bounce off Cless's head. He then pulled out all of his remaining arrows and shot them all similtaneously at Cless. Cless would giggle as they would tickle him all over his body…

"That tickles, hahaha…Like your arrows can pierce my Gold Armor, hahahaha, you suck Chester" said Cless mockingly further getting under Chesters skin.

"Errrrrrrrrrrrrrr……." Hissed Chester who was grinding his teeth in irritation.

Cless then walked up to Chester and poked him with his pinky and Chester immediately died. "Loser….hehehe" laughed Cless.

"About time someone killed that jerk" said Arche who was delighted to see Chesters death.

"That self righteous prick owes me money, serves him right, bastard" pronounced Klarth…

"You guys are evil" proclaimed Mint.

Klarths eyes grew wide with excitement as they were fixed on Mint's breasts. His mouth waters as he continued to stare at them, oblivious to anyone seeing him.

"Hey Mint, maybe you can use some of that healing magic on me at the inn to make me not evil" said a sycophant flirty Klarth, unknowingly feeling Mint's breasts. "Ohhh…that's nice…ohhh yeah, there so round and porky." He continues to unknowingly feel her breasts until Arche slaps him hard in the face and leaves a red handprint there. "Oh, shit, sorry? My bad…."

"Now you know how it feels to be me" said Arche directly to Mint who then proceeded to cast an explode spell on Klarth, sending him flying on top of the orgasmic Dhoas

"Damn, you, filthy human," shouted Dhoas in annoyance.

"Hey Cless, maybe you and I can get to know each other better" said a flirty Arche with her back towards Cless and Mint "I'm going to be 18 soon so you don't have to feel bad about it"

When she turns around, she sees's Cless and Mint making out, tongue action and everything.

"This could be the last time I get to see you babe" said Cless winsomely to Mint. "I'd like to taste your lips for good memory." After his charming little speech he begins making out with her again, leaving Arche feeling humiliated as she had offered up her affections only to be rejected again. Not this time, she thought.

She thew herself at Mint and began to start rolling about in the ground shaking her aggressively. "You're not stealing this one from me goody tooshoes" barked Arche. She and Mint were rolling on the ground shaking and slapping and tearing at each others close (yay).

Klarth and nearly every horny man in Midgar see's this and immediately run to see the chick fight, cheering and laughing and celebrating the beautiful scene. Cless and Klarth had high fived each other in approval of this awesome moment.

Klarth called dibs on Arche, Cless didn't care because he was going to get a chick anyways. It was a win-win for him. All of them had forgotten about their journey to defeat Dhoas.

Dhaos in the meantime, lost the spell again; he was significantly weakened from the first casting as it took its toll on his body. The magic was sucking the life out of him, but he didn't care, he wanted another ecstasy moment, another bonerific orgasm from it. He would look up as he laboriously crawled on his belly, incapable of using his newly crippled legs…"Magic, Magic, Please, I need…need…magic"

A woman from Midgar held a gun towards his head and began calling him a demon. Dhoas tremulously lowers his head, when the spell suddenly reappears in his mind. He casts it immediately, having another bizarre appalling orgasmic public display from his spell freaking out and disgusting the woman of Midgar. Who all happily begin raining bullets on his wounded body, clearly killing him…..


End file.
